The Imtrader Ed.3 – Have a laugh on us

 

Click below to skip to a joke:

Spilt Milk     Newly Married     Bigger Farms
Celebrating     Household Boss     Oasis   

 

Spilt Milk

A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar slowly getting drunk.

A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked.

The farmer then decides to try an answer, “Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.”

“That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal? What happened then?” the man asked again.

The farmer continued, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.”

“Again? So, what did you do then?” the man asked, intrigued.

“I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”

“Wow, you must have been pretty upset! but that’s no reason to just sit here getting all depressed.”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So then what happened?” the man asked again.

“Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That’s when my pants fell down and my wife walked in.”

back to top..

 

Newly Married

A farmer and his brand new wife were riding home from the Church in an old wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer’s wife said, “That’s once.”

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer’s wife said, “That’s twice.”

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer’s wife didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His farmer yelled, saying, “Why did you do that! That was an awful thing to do.”

The farmer’s wife turned to him and said, “That’s once.”

back to top..

 

Bigger Farms

 A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.

Then they walk around the farm a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any rabbits in Texas”?

back to top..

 

Celebrating

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their 50th wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Barry,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Sheila,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”

back to top..

 

Household Boss

A retiring farmer was selling his land and needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. “Who’s the boss around here?” he asked.

“I am.” said the man.

“I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer said, “which one would you like?”

The man thought for a minute and said, “The black one.”

“No, no, no, get the brown one.” the man’s wife said.

“Here’s your chicken.” said the farmer.

back to top..

 

Father is a Slave Driver

The local priest walking was walking down a country lane and saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

“You look hot, my son,” said the priest . “why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”

“No thanks,” said the young man.

“My father wouldn’t like it.”

“Don’t be silly,” the priest said.

“Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the priest said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “he’s under the load of hay.”

back to top..

 

Oasis

An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years. He had a huge man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area, For years it was the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer grew older, his “Oasis” was used less and less. It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbours occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an appearance.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond. He hadn’t been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check on things. As he neared the pond, he heard loud playful voices giggling and laughing. As he came closer he was astonished to see that a bunch of young women had decided to skinny dip in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

The old man replied, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked. I’m here to feed the Croc.”

back to top..