1. Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
2. As a farmer, I hear lots of jokes about sheep.
I’d tell them to my dog but he’d herd them all.
3. Just one kiss
An old farmer was walking down the path to the pond one day when he came across a frog.
He reached down, picked the frog up, and started to put it in his pocket.
As he did so, the frog said, “Kiss me on the lips and I’ll turn into a beautiful farmers wife.”
The old farmer carried on putting the frog in his pocket.
The frog said, “Didn’t you hear what I said?”
The farmer looked at the frog and said, “At my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”
4. Friend of mine rented a farm vehicle but got ripped off. It was a con-tractor.
5. When you just cant refuse
A farm boy accidentally overturned his tractor one day.
The farmer who lived on the next farm heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Johnno, don’t worry about it. Come in and have something to eat with us. I’ll help you get the tractor up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” Johnno replied, “but I don’t think dad would like me to.”
“Aw come on boy,” the farmer insisted.
“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but dad won’t like it.”
After a hearty dinner, Johnno thanked the neighbour for his hospitality and said, “I feel much better now, but I know dad is going to be real upset.”
“Don’t be silly!” the neighbour said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”
Johnno said, “Under the tractor.”
6. Know-it-all agronomist
An agriculture student said to a farmer: “Your methods are too old fashioned. I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.”
“I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer, “this is an orange tree”.
7. You call that hard work?
A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his dad asked him what he thought of Army life. “It’s pretty good dad. The food’s not bad, the work’s easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning.”