The Imtrader Ed.7 – Jokes

A Deal is a deal...
A lawyer is out duck hunting. He shoots a duck and it falls on a neighbouring farm, where he does not have permission to hunt. He looks around, sees no one, and decides to hop the fence to trespass to get the duck.

He has barely taken ten steps when the farmer pops out of some trees and orders him off the property. The lawyer protests he really wants to retrieve the duck, the farmer insists he leaves. “well” the lawyer says, “I guess I am going to sue you”.

The farmer replies “we don’t handle disagreements like that out here, we use the ‘3 kick rule’ “. “Three kick rule??” the lawyer asks. “Yup” says the farmer, “this is the way it works. Each of us takes turn kicking each other as hard as we can three times, and whoever gives up first loses”. The lawyer said he guessed he could try that, and the farmer says he’ll go first. So, the farmer kicks the lawyer in the knee as hard as he can, and while the lawyer is doubled up in pain holding his knee, the farmer hauls off again and kicks him in the chin. Now hurting more than ever, the lawyer stands upright holding his chin, and the farmer kicks him in the groin.

After he recovers, the lawyer says “OK, now its my turn” to which the farmer replies “I give up, you win, get your duck”.

The Old Clever Aunty
There once was a farmer called Arthur. He was a bachelor and had employed a pretty, young house-keeper. One Sunday Arthur’s old aunty came for lunch and upon seeing the young and very shapely house-keeper she gave Arthur that look, you know the one I mean. Arthur asked his aunty, ” why are you looking at me like that ?” the aunty replied “she’s very pretty for a house-keeper”. Arthur assured his aunty that their relationship was strictly professional.

A couple of days later the house-keeper told Arthur that there was a silver jug missing since Sunday, and putting two and two together the aunt became the prime suspect. Not having the guts to phone his aunty and accuse her, Arthur decided to write her a letter. He wrote as follows…..I’m not saying that you stole my silver jug, and I’m not saying you didn’t steal my silver jug, but it went missing on Sunday when you were here !

A few day’s later the reply came, and it read as follows….I’m not saying you’re sleeping with your house-keeper, and I’m not saying you’re not sleeping with your house-keeper, but if she was sleeping in her own bed she would have found the silver jug by now !

An Unfortunate Accident
On a rural road a policeman pulls this farmer over and says: “Sir, do you realise your wife fell out of the car several miles back?” To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

We all make mistakes
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, “Were they all dead?” The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”