Mate, I’ve got a bug spray that’s so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”
The farmer was dubious.
“OK, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my paddock buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you and I’ll get everyone in the footy club to buy a case and we’ll make you rich.
The salesman was stoked.
They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake and back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the paddock and sure enough, the salesman was there without a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!
Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.
“Son,” he said, “Now, you don’t have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?” The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,
“Doesn’t that calf have a mother?
You can count on me
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “I rounded them up.”
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Magic beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof —and plummets 15 stories to the ground.
The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Emergency Room Madness
A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in its rear end.
I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.” “What did you do?, asked the doctor. “Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey! This looks like yours!