How does every Aussie joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and the Dockers Football Club?
A firefighter climbs a ladder.
I recently got into snail racing and have been trying a few things to make them faster.
Yesterday I tried taking the shell off my fastest snail but it just made it more sluggish.
A farmer plays a prank on Easter Sunday. After the egg hunt, he sneaks into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly colored one.
Minutes later, the rooster walks in. He spots the colored eggs, then storms out and beats up the peacock.
The fish are biting!
Two blondes rented a fishing boat, and were having a great day catching fish. The first blonde said “This is such a great spot, we need to mark it so we can come back.” The second blonde proceeded to put a mark on the side of the boat. The first blonde asked “What are you doing?” The second blonde replied “Marking the spot.” “Don’t be stupid” the first blonde said. “What if we don’t get the same boat next time?”
Who takes care of the farm when the farmer is sick? The farmacist (pharmacist).
A man from Canberra moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. “That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. “I mean business,” the man replied. A week later the man was back again. “I need another 100 chicks,” he said. “Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,” the man told him. “Yeah,” the man replied. “If I can iron out a few problems.” “Problems?” asked the proprietor. “Yeah,” replied man, “I think I planted that last batch too close together.”