1. What is the definition of a good farmer?
A MAN OUTSTANDING IN HIS FIELD!
2. Ten Technical Terms About Computers
- Log on: when you want to make the homestead warmer.
- Log off: Timberrrrrrrrrrrr.
- Mega Hertz: when you not careful getting the firewood.
- Lap top: where the cat sleeps.
- Hard drive: trying to get a spray on after another 40ml of rain in a wet winter.
- Windows: what to shut when it’s cold outside.
- Byte: what mosquitoes do.
- Modem: what I did to the hay fields.
- Keyboard: where the keys hang.
- Mouse: critters that eat the grain in the barn.
Not forgetting RAM [Random Access Memory]: when you can’t remember anything at all from earlier.
3. The Texan & the Aussie
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation and while he’s there he meets an Aussie farmer.
They get talking and the Aussie farmer shows off his big wheat field.
The Texan is unimpressed and says, “We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large as that.”
They walk around the ranch a little more, and then the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.
The Texan is again unimpressed and says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
They carry on walking around the ranch when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks the Aussie, “And what are those?”
The Aussie replies, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
4. The Helpful Farmer
A young city couple were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends one day.
They suddenly come to a muddy patch in the road and didn’t stop in time, so the car became bogged.
After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they see a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen in front of him.
The young farmer stops when he sees the couple in trouble and offers to use the oxen to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepts and a few minutes later the car is free.
Afterward, the farmer says to the husband, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”
The husband looks around at the fields and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plow your land? At night?”
The young farmer says, “Oh no. Night is when I put the water in the hole.”
5. Farmer Truck Joke
Two farmers were sitting next to each other. One says to the other, “I have such a big farm I could climb in my truck, and it would take me two days to get across the whole farm!” The other farmer turns back to him and replies, “I used to have a truck like that!”