How To Grow Strawberries
Farmer Evans was driving his tractor along the road with a trailer load of fertiliser. Tim a little boy of eight was playing in his yard when he saw the farmer and asked, ‘What’ve you got in your trailer?’
‘Manure,’ Farmer Evans replied.
‘What are you going to do with it?’ asked Tim.
‘Put it on my strawberries,’ answered the farmer.
Tim replied, ‘You ought to come and eat with us, we put ice-cream on our strawberries.’
A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.
There was a baby pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied, “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.”
Watermelon Patch A small-town country farmer has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to his prized watermelons.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!”
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: “NOW THERE ARE TWO!”
A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out.
She’s not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: “Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?”
The farmer writes back: “Honey, don’t go near that field. That’s where all my guns are buried.”
But, because he is in jail all of the farmer’s mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns.
After two full days of digging, they don’t find one single weapon.
The farmer then writes to his wife:
“Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes.”